Rihanna has not released an album for 1,337 days. Not that I’m counting! JK, I totally am keeping track, because as much as I love to listen to “Where Have You Been” at the gym…I can’t help but feel like maybe I’d be even more motivated if I had a new Rihanna-filled playlist. Ever since I realized it’s been nearly four years since RiRi dropped her eighth album, Anti, my last two brain cells have used up all of their energy wondering when a new album would pop up.
To be fair, it’s not like Rihanna is starving us. She’s been keeping the Navy fully fed with consistent new projects for years. It’s just that she’s such a talented musician, and the world deserves more bangers. To add insult to injury, she keeps posting memes about the fact that we can’t stop asking for more music. At this point, it almost feels like she’d do anything to avoid heading to the studio.
I’m not sure if cataloguing everything Rihanna has done since Anti will make matters better or worse…but it’s worth a shot. Here is a list of absolutely everything RiRi has done since the last time she made new music.
Created Fenty X Puma.
Remember when Rihanna dropped the ready-to-wear Fenty X Puma collection in September 2016, and those creeper sneakers sold out like hot cakes? Yes, it was a grand contribution to the fashion industry…but I would also like to point out that you literally cannot sell out of a song. Streams are unlimited!
Got a shoutout from Harvard University.
On February 28, 2017, Rihanna was named Harvard University’s Humanitarian of the year. During her acceptance speech she blessed the world with this wisdom, “All you need to do is help one person, expecting nothing in return. To me, that is a humanitarian. People make it seem way too hard, man. The truth is that you don’t have to be rich to be a humanitarian, to help somebody. You don’t have to be famous. You don’t have to be college-educated.”
Played a hot alien in ‘Valerian.’
In the summer of 2017, Rihanna had a little bit of screen time in the 28th century movie, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. She played an alien chick named Bubble and performed a v hot dance number.
Launched Fenty Beauty.
Wow can you believe there was even a time in history where we did not have access to Fenty highlighters? What did people even look like before this pivotal moment in beauty history? September 7, 2017 is really when humans evolved into perfect, sparkly beings.
Okay, actually did appear on a song.
It’s not totally fair to say that Rihanna hasn’t given us any music since Anti, because TECHNICALLY, she did appear on N.E.R.D.’s “Lemon” in November 2017. Yes, it’s a bop. Yes, she owes us about a million more.
Held three Diamond Balls.
Rihanna created the Diamond Ball in 2014 as a fundraiser for her charity, The Clara Lionel Foundation. If we’re keeping tabs, there have been three since her last album. (There wasn’t one in 2016.)
Launched Savage X Fenty.
Until May 2018, there was Rihanna shoes, makeup, clothes, and accessories. Obviously, she had to add lingerie to the list so everyone could truly be decked out in Fenty from head to toe.
Was appointed an ambassador by Barbados.
On September 20, 2018, Barbados announced that Rihanna had been appointed Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary, which gave her the responsibility to promote education, tourism and island investment.
Starred in ‘Ocean’s 8.’
Rihanna. In a heist movie. That’s it. That’s the tweet.
Casually created her own luxury Parisian fashion house.
Have all of Rihanna’s fashion endeavors left you broke? Well guess what? As of spring 2019, Fenty is a whole-ass luxury brand.
Starred in ‘Guava Island’ with Donald Glover.
Wow, there is nothing more painful than watching Donald Glover break out into song in the Guava Island trailer and Rihanna watch him…without joining in. It’s a very difficult to watch three minutes in that sense.
Produced the most ridiculously flawless fashion show of all time.
Now that the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show has been canceled due to low ratings, it’s time for Savage X Fenty to step in. Rihanna’s latest lingerie fashion show did not disappoint, and was complete with performances from Normani, Halsey and Migos. Plus, it’s available on Amazon, so you can watch it as many times as you want.
Please, for the sake of my neighbors who are likely tired of me blasting “Jump,” let the next thing on this list be R9.