I had to stop looking.
Looking for direction. Looking for answers. Looking for why. I had spent eight years looking to understand my mystery illness, my burnout, and my life.
I was sick for eight years with an antibiotic-resistant staph infection in my sinuses (MARCONs) which was misdiagnosed as Lyme disease. I spent so much time on WedMd, researching blog posts and reading medical journals. I also experienced severe burn out from trying to balance being a new mom and holding down a job.
Every waking moment I was focused on trying to heal myself. I saw tons of doctors both Eastern and Western. I tried herbs, supplements, and pharmaceutical drugs. I tried infrared saunas, colon hydro-therapy, and IV treatment. I saw many types of healers from Shamans to Reiki Masters. I wiped out my 401K looking for answers.
I had reached a point of frustration and depression. Frustrated because I didn’t have answers. Frustrated because my life was on hold. Frustrated because I couldn’t control my healing process. Even though I tried many different healing modalities I continued to come from the same mindset. I came from a place of fear.
To nurse my frustrations, I poured myself a glass of wine, headed to the backyard and curled up on the chaise. My mind was racing with negativity and catastrophic thoughts. Tears rolled down my face as I yelled profanities into the wind.
Suddenly, the sunset caught the edge of a spider web between two bushes. I said out loud, “I Spy a spider web.” My outside world stood still as I stared at the web. I continued the game as I observed the web with creativity and in greater detail. The web transformed into different things. I spy heartstrings. I spy silly string. I spy a bridge. As I played this game, I was aware of a shift. This shift created a calmness and peace I had not felt in eight years. I was in a conscious meditative state.
The next day as I drove to work I reached for my phone. Awareness struck me. Why do I always need to be busy and talk to someone when I am alone in the car? Am I afraid to be alone with my thoughts? Am I afraid of the silence? Am I afraid of being conscious? I struggled for a bit, then I surrendered. I allowed the silence to envelop my entire being. As I did this, I felt a shift. I decided to experiment and play I Spy on my way to work to see what I could discover.
As I drove by an ice-covered lake, I said, “I spy crystals.” Suddenly, I noticed a Golden Eagle, a farm stand and a tire swing. Playing I Spy opened up an entirely new world! For years I had a created a pattern of being an unconscious zombie on my drive to work either preoccupied with chatter in my mind or on the phone. I was never aware of the things that were beyond the surface.
I continued the game on my commute home. The goal I made with myself was to try to find something new on every road trip. Soon I discovered I had been driving by a goat farm every day to work, and never noticed it. I noticed the array of different colors within a stone wall. I discovered a beautiful house transformed from a church. I started to look at things from different angles and in greater detail.
Playing I Spy placed me in the present moment. It allowed me to come from a place of peace instead of a place of fear. As this shift took place, I was able to access my intuition and listen to the messages of my body. This is where the healing process started.
We are so caught up in a stressful world of information overload, we have become slaves to electronic devices. As we are glued to our computers, tablets, and mobile phones, we become numb to the world around us. As I discovered, there was so much beauty and undiscovered territory around us.
I want you to take the “I Spy” Challenge. Whether you live in the city or the country. Whether you are a stressed-out corporate employee or entrepreneur. Whether you are an overwhelmed parent or student.
I Spy is playtime. It is simple and creative. It is in this space where you can start to access your intuition and new possibilities.
There are no rules only observe and play without judgment. When you play, you get out of your head and into your heart. Try to look at things from many different angles of creativity. Feel and experience the shift. You will notice if you stop the insanity of the world and when you play, you will find your answers. They are there. They always have been. They are within you.
Please comment below and share what you found when you played “I Spy.”
Do you want to be part of creating a kinder, more inclusive society?